Grief is our natural response to loss. Often, we think of grief in terms of the loss of a close friend, family member or other loved one, but it is natural to grieve the loss of anything important to us – a job, a marriage, a friendship, our health, or any number of things. Understanding our own grief and how to navigate it is a important tool in leading a healthy emotional life.

 

How Grief Affects Us

Grief is not a one-size-fits-all. Everyone experiences it differently, and the way you experience it can also depend on the type of grief. It is natural to feel a different type of grief for the loss of a loved one, for instance, than the loss of a job.

Grief affects us emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.

Physically

You may feel tired, although you might also have trouble sleeping. Your appetite may change, or you may suffer headaches and stomach pains. Grief can also affect your immune system, so taking care of your physical health is important.

Mentally

You may find it difficult to concentrate or have trouble feeling motivated.

Emotionally

You may experience mood swings, feel sad, lonely, numb, angry, anxious.  You may have feelings of resentment, abandonment, blame. It is natural to feel any and all of these emotions.

Spiritually

Grief and loss can challenge any previously held spiritual beliefs. Conversely, it can lead you to develop a new awareness of your own spirituality, or further strengthen your beliefs.

 

The Stages of Grief Theory

In 1969 Dr Elizabeth Kubler-Ross developed a theory of the five stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance – which was widely accepted at the time. While Kubler-Ross provides a framework for starting conversations around the feelings that come with grief, we now know this is not how grief works. It is not linear. Rather than processing grief in a well-ordered sequence, most of us process grief as a ‘roller-coaster’ of emotions. You may feel you take two steps forward then one back. This is very normal.

It has been said grief is like the sea, which is a really good analogy. Sometimes it is calm, sometimes it drags us into a rip, sometimes it catches us by surprise. Taking our approach to grief day by day allows us to deal with our thoughts and feelings as they come up, without preconceived expectations.

 

How Can I Manage My Grief?

There is no right or wrong in recovering from grief. Each of us grieve in our own unique way, and take our own time to do so. There are, however, some things you can do which might help you manage your grief and cope with the challenges it presents.

• Journaling – writing your thoughts and feelings down can be a great way of making sense of them, and will help you process how and why you feel what you do.
• Taking care of your physical self – making sure you get enough sleep, eat well, and get some exercise will help manage both the physical and emotional impact of grief.
• Allow yourself to grieve – don’t be afraid to express your grief. It is not a sign of weakness; it is a natural part of life. Whether that manifests itself as crying, or throwing things (in a safe environment), running, or hitting a punching bag, it’s okay to do what you need to do, so long as you are safe.
• If you’re grieving the death of a loved one, find ways to remember them – remembering and honouring your loved ones and acknowledging the relationship you had is seen as a healthy and normal part of the grief process. Plant a tree in their honour, keep photos of them around the home, light a candle for them each night, incorporate your loved one into events and special dates or visit places that where you feel close to them.
• Self- Care – make time each day for yourself. Whether you use that time to journal, take a walk or a yoga class, listen to music or practice a hobby, taking time for yourself will help keep you centred. You might like to look at our article on Self Care if you need some ideas.
• Accept help – connecting with others can help you cope. Don’t push your friends and loved ones away. They want to help, and their support can make a difference to how you feel.

One of the most important things you can do is be kind to yourself. Don’t try telling yourself you should be getting over this. Grief has its own path and however you are feeling, and however long it takes for you to feel like your normal self, that’s okay.

 

Should I Seek Professional Support?

If you feel your grief is overwhelming you, if you can’t find even moments of contentment in your days, or you are considering self-harm, support from a qualified counsellor can help you find a way to come back to your life and find a way to live with the loss you have experienced.

Follow this link to our Resources page if you feel you are in need of emergency help.

Whether you are grieving the loss of a loved one, a relationship or something important in your life, and would like support in how to manage your thoughts and feelings please give me a call on 0490 697 289 or contact me here.